what makes me feel alive
Mixing and producing in Ableton makes me feel whole. It’s not about people or performance—it’s just me, inside this world I get to build. Shaping sound that feels like truth. I lose time in there, and it never feels wasted.
Movement helps too. Driving, skating, the Onewheel—when I’m in motion, my brain stops buzzing. I stop trying to figure everything out and just am. It’s part of how I return to myself.
There’s a charge I feel in the city—especially Chicago. It’s noisy and alive, full of edge and energy. It shakes something loose in me. I don’t need to be in control of it—I just need to feel it.
But I also crave the quiet. Wide land, space to breathe, that kind of stillness where peace isn’t just an idea—it’s something I can feel in my body. Country music playing soft in the background, no one asking anything of me.
Lately, I’ve been craving intimacy. Not just sex, but presence. That feeling of being close, seen, unrushed. Julianna can be so cozy and warm… and then sharp and distant. I want to stop pulling back when she gets sharp. I want to stay open.
And then there’s summer—tacos, tequila, the kind of nights that don’t need a reason. They just make me feel loose again. Like I belong in my skin.
When I feel off, maybe I don’t need a breakthrough. Maybe I just need to move toward what makes me feel alive.